Hope Rising-Massaro is a paralegal in our St. Petersburg office. She is a married mother of 3 boys and 1 girl. Her daughter Nicole is gay. Nicole, who is now 40, came out when she was 16.
“Coming out” can be a complex event in an LGBTQIA+ person’s life. It can be fraught with tension, a source of stress, or, on the flip side, a time of renewed sense of self and identity.
Hope grew up during a time when people stayed in the “closet”. As a teenager she had a male friend who was not out and she served as his boyfriend’s “girlfriend”, so they could see each other. Seems complicated, but that is how it had to be back then.
Nicole, who came out as a teenager, thought she was doing a good job “hiding” her sexuality. However, with her previous experience and exposure, Hope was already aware but felt it was best to let Nicole tell her directly when she was ready.
Her daughter’s news was received with nothing but acceptance from her mom. Hope had already had a very open relationship with her children. That news changed nothing for her because, as she stated, her daughter was still the same person she had known her daughter’s whole life.
Hope’s sons also accepted their sister’s sexuality; she was still their sister. Even today, one of Hope’s sons is very vocal about his support of the gay community. Hope’s family’s mantra has been to live and let live.
But not everyone received Nicole’s coming out positively. Her stepfather, who had adopted her when she was seven, was not accepting. In fact, he wanted to terminate his parental relationship. Hope did not expect this to be his response.
Nonprofit The Trevor Project released a new research brief that paints a picture of these realities, including the fact that today’s queer youth are coming out at younger ages.
One key finding: Whether or not an LGBTQ+ youth have access to positive, safe support systems can play a direct role in that young person’s positive or negative mental health outcomes, including suicide risk.
Hope stated that she didn’t care if her children were dating the opposite sex or the same sex, her only expectation for her children’s relationships was that their chosen mate treat her children the way she believed her children should be treated by their mate – with love and respect.
Hope’s daughter Nicole was, before moving to Pasco County and taking on a more demanding job, a member of ROTC – the Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corp. The Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps of St Petersburg is an all-volunteer, award-winning performance group, with male and female members from the Tampa Bay area. You know who else is a part of that group? That long ago friend from Hope’s teenage years. She is happy he can be who he is without having to pretend he has a girlfriend. Hope continues to show support for her daughter and her friend by attending some of the group’s events whenever she can.
When asked for advice for parents whose children may come out to them Hope said she would say to them: “Why are you treating your child differently, they are the same person they were the day before they came out to you. Don’t ask why your child is damaged, look within yourself and ask yourself why you feel differently.”
Hope recognized that while everyone is entitled to their own opinion, she said we are all human, we all bleed red, so if someone is not negatively impacting your life, live, and let live.
Diversity allows you to expand your horizons and learn from others. Hope says there is so much hate in the world. As she says with a laugh “what we need is a good old fashioned alien invasion to bring the human race together.”