Harrison Matthes is the son of Ian Matthes Esq., our Regional Managing Attorney and General Counsel. Harrison was diagnosed with Autism when he was 4 years old.
HERE’S WHAT TO ASK AUTISM PARENTS!
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What is Autism?Autism is a spectrum of different neurological conditions which can be mild or severe. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a child’s social interaction skills, communication and behavior. It often means that a child’s brain works differently and can affect how kids understand and relate to others. True to its name, autism is a spectrum. This means kids with autism are unique. There are many similarities between snowflakes, but each is unique. Autistics can be the same way! There are different severities ranging from non-verbal to high functioning autism like my son, Harrison. Everyone on the spectrum has unique strengths and challenges. I can only tell you about life with Harrison.
More children have autism than all childhood cancers, juvenile diabetes, cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy combined. In fact, one in 54 kids in the U.S. is living with autism. They also correctly say the effects and severity of symptoms are different in each person.
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How Old was Your Child When They Were Diagnosed with Autism?My son was almost 4 when he was officially diagnosed. As with many Autistic children, he was also diagnosed with ADHD and other neurological concerns. My wife suspected it very early. I regrettably rejected the idea, thought “he’s just a boy” and thought many of the increases in diagnostic rates were manufactured. Acceptance is critical for families and individuals. I cannot praise my wife enough for pursuing the diagnosis and getting me to where I needed to be with my understanding and acceptance.
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Do You Prefer to say “Child with Autism” or “Autistic Child”There is definitely a lot of debate about this. Does my son “have Autism” or is he Autistic? I say he is Autistic or is on the Spectrum. Now that he is 9, he is learning about being Autistic, but it is still a complex concept for him. I hope to have him decide what he wants to say, if he wants to say anything.
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How Does Your Child Communicate with You?Our son is fully verbal, with some delays. He was developmentally delayed, but knows and understands far more than many may expect. Some Autistics are non-verbal, but communicate in different ways. Some may have difficulties with social cues and expressions. My son is keenly aware of non-verbal cues, and can really read how people react. This can cut both ways though, as he knows how to push people’s buttons as well. His writing is improving slowly, and we are promoting his creativity.
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What Activities Does Your Child Like?He loves to do almost all things that typical 9-year-olds do. Legos, video games, physical play, and just running and playing. We do not see interest, thus far, for organized team sports. He can get very focused, sometimes to the exclusion of many other interests, on one goal, task or focus, for hours or days on end. We recognize when we are in a “Minecraft phase” or a “Transformers stage.” He loves being social, being included in group activities, and spending time with other children. Not all peers are understanding of his focus, speech volume, or flexibility with rules of play, which can result in exclusion.
Not uncommonly, he avoids sudden loud noises and bright direct light. These may be overstimulating. We try to give him notice before turning on a loud appliance or making a loud noise.
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What School Does Your Child Go To?Our son attends a public elementary school. He has some classes in a general classroom setting, with support, and other selected core classes in a small group setting. He also receives speech and OT support, and we provide additional tutoring. As with many Autism Parents, we are constantly reevaluating his needs and best setting. Supporting his IEPs, schedules, and tutoring is almost a full-time job—my wife amazes me with her efforts.
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What Therapy Has Made the Most Difference?That is a hard question to answer, and also has evolved over time. We saw benefits from Speech and OT, and early on with ABA therapy. ABA therapy is controversial with some Autistics, who see it very harshly. His response to it developed negatively. For now, it seems that one-on-one tutoring is very impactful. Increasing social interactions is critical, whether that it increasing his group play or engaging in activities like Cub Scouts.
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How are You Doing?I can do no better than to quote Charles Dickens: ““It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” It can be very trying and very rewarding. Having a dedicated spouse is critical. It allows you to have a bad day and be supported, and to return the help later. Being an “Autism Dad” allows me to have a better view of the world, of people, and of how we need to be patient. It is hard accepting that your dreams for your child may not come true (to be the next great trial lawyer, the next President, or the next Wayne Gretzky playing hockey)… Accepting the gifts we have, however, lets you see and appreciate so much more. Does it still make you think when friends post about their neurotypical children’s accomplishments? Sure. But we need to accept the many blessings we may have that they might not experience.
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What Can I Do to Help You?Education is the first step. As more people understand more about Autism, the pressure to explain it decreases and acceptance increases. Listening to, or communicating with, Autistics is important. If they can communicate, no one will understand how to include them better. Educating neurotypical children about neurodiversity, inclusion, and acceptance is critical.
There are also things to not do. If I say my son is Autistic, don’t say you are sorry. Don’t say someone doesn’t look or act Autistic. Don’t say “he seems so normal.” Don’t suggest “everyone is a little Autistic.” Instead, ask what you can do to be more inclusive, or to learn about Autism. I’m hoping families, friends, and companies everywhere will unite to support and accept people on the Autism spectrum as well as to encourage them to do great things with their lives. Autistics are aware of more than what they communicate. They may be different, but they are not “less” so please try not to judge and instead educate yourself and teach your children understanding and acceptance. - Q:
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How Can I Explain Autism to My Kids?This is a tough one! I like to say that my son has a very unique way of seeing and interacting with the world. Some things may be more interesting to him that to you, he may interact with his environment in a way you might not expect, but that he is a kind a caring person. If every snowflake looked the same, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the amazing differences. You should engage with him, listen to him, and be patient with him…you may just learn some amazing things from him. See if you can see how he sees the world as you might just like his view better at times. It’s not enough to be aware of autism – we all should accept, support, respect and include Autistic people.
To learn more about Autism visit www.autismspeaks.org or your local organization that supports Autistic Individuals and their families